Nuggets from the Fire

Today I plan to go back to work…half a day.  I am having a massage this morning then to work I go.  I figure I can sit in a chair there and at least get credit for it.  I got out a little yesterday and sitting is fine…walking is the hard part.  I just get so weak so fast.  It is amazing to me how quickly little activity can bring a body down.  I realize that I am not in great health because of the chemo but still.  It makes me commit that once this is over, I am going to be active.  I can’t afford not to!  Neither can any of you!  (That is a little plug for taking care of yourself.)

Have you ever noticed how boring your ceiling is?  I have been in bed for three days and I have noticed.  I am feeling much better today though…almost normal.  When I stand, I don’t have pain so that is a big improvement.  Now my biggest issue is that after I have been standing for 5 minutes or so my back gets very weak. I still cannot bend very well.  But I have made great progress and I think I will be able to be up and around slowly over the week.  By my chemo next week, I should be back and able to take it again…then only one more after that.  I am looking forward to my last treatment.  Everything is pointing to that and I can do this with the end in sight!

I think I am better today…I think.  I can get up and down by myself and I can walk.  That is an improvement.  My massage therapist is out of town but referred me to an awesome lady that came in today just to work on my back.  That made things much better.  I am almost certain after my massage that this pain is muscular which means that it will get better on it’s own if I continue to baby myself  by staying in bed.  I have a couple of good books so I am hoping that I can make myself stay there until I am better.  Thank God that it isn’t something more serious.

This journey of mine has taken yet another turn.  One more complication that has me back in my chair.  We took a
midnight ride to the emergency room because I had extreme back pain that started for no apparent reason.  The doctor did some tests to eliminate a kidney infection, since I had a urinary tract infection last week. He examined me and gave me a shot for pain and sent me home…I was loopy after that.  He feels that it is a strain of my lower back, so I am flat on my back until Monday.  I have some really strong medicine and muscle relaxers so I am out of it. 

Going between my bed and chair is something I had hoped never to do again.  I am frustrated and a little mad.  I don’t need this.  I am on the downhill slide and I don’t want it to be delayed or worse yet start over with some other sort of surgery needed.  I am hoping that it is a simple strain and will go away with time and powerful medicine.  For those of you that have been praying for me…please continue.

I wrote this last weekend but I am posting it now because tomorrw is Thanksgiving…Have a wonderful holiday everyone and remember to be thankful for life!

 

This year Thanksgiving is more than a day of the year to me.  It has become more than that…like a way of life.  Sitting here at mom’s house among family, (We celebrate the weekend before Thanksgiving.) I am more grateful for the little things.  I know that trauma causes us to look at things more seriously and this year is no exception.  Today has been about more than a meal for me.  The food is great…even on a chemo stomach…that tells you how good it is.  In addition, family time is definitely something I appreciate more since my illness.  But there are other things smaller things, like football games, checker games, mountain walks, washing dishes as a group, roasting marshmallows and playing games that make life full.  Living fully is something I have determined to do. 

Giving thanks has become a lifestyle lately.  Not only am I grateful to be alive and heading toward good health, I thank God for each day I am given.  I praise him for the miracle of early detection that will allow me to be here next Thanksgiving. I am grateful for dear friends who pray.  I thank God my family is near and supportive, I know so many that are not.  I worship him for my job, my car, my home…my husband and kids, and my intimate relationship with Him.  I love my kids and who they are becoming…and being able to watch that occur in front of my eyes. I am grateful to him for a husband that has cared for me for better and for worse.  It is the result of cancer to look at life differently and to live life differently…to see with more eternal eyes, to live with purpose…and to be thankful for the little things everyday.

Today is Hannah’s birthday.  I decided last night I am feeling good enough to try to have a few of the kids from church over tonight…so we are having a party…feel free to come.  6:00 for cake and icecream…no presents needed.  I worked so hard yesterday cleaning some of the downstairs and it felt good to get some significant things done.  Now I have comitted myself to this party so I am going to be working again today to spiff things up.

Good news and bad news…first the bad…I have a urinary tract infection that is painful.  However, I have a wonderful doctor that called me in some powerful medicine that should take care of it.  The good news…it is supposed to snow.  I know it is only a flurry or two but I always love to watch it come down. It helps that I don’t have to go anywhere for a few days.  I plan to enjoy my children and heal.

For the record…this is hard.  I don’t like it.

     I am so pitiful.  I feel bad for one and one half days and I am ready to quit. I had my shot today and can feel the bone pain coming.  I can’t wait for Saturday to get here because it is my family’s Thanksgiving and because I know I will feel better by then.  The up side of this cancer journey is that I have sooooo much more compassion for those that are in constant pain.  I cannot comprehend how difficult it must be. When I hear news of a cancer diagnosis (which I do all the time now) I am aware of the miracle of early detection.  My cancer is low level therefore, survivable.  My treatments, bad as they are, could be far worse.  I could have to undergo them for longer.  I read one story of a lady that had treatments for four years…she survived.  I am grateful to God this Thanksgiving season because it could’ve been my last.  He is so full of grace…

 

I don’t usually feel bad this soon.  The bone pain hasn’t started but I feel yuck…headache and my stomach is churning.  I guess this is the cummulative effect they have been talking about.  I plan to take medicine and go to bed.  I will sleep in tomorrow and go get my white count shot.  Only two more times of this yuck…that makes it better.