Nuggets from the Fire

What a week.  The snow last week and then again on the weekend messed up a regular schedule.  I seemed to be on the wrong day all week.  I could get used to working three days a week and then being off!  It was nice to curl up in front of the fire and read.  I also got a lot of research done…yuck.  But I am caught up to some degree.  Next week my big literature review is due and that will be a relief to have over with.  It is keeping me from my real writing here.

This morning I came over the top of the hill at my school, the mountains were lined with glowing red that spread into pinks and purples as the sun came up.  Blue hills stand there each morning to welcome me to work.  Mist, fog, or snow…the mountains are there.  I love it!  It is like a surprise that awaits me every day.  I am so grateful to God that I have such a glorious reminder of his faithfulness.  I do not always notice because my mind is occupied with the worries of the day.  I forget about all that he has done for me as I “get on with life.”  It is a sad thing how humans can be so pre-occupied that we miss God’s daily love letters to us.  I think he must write many of them each day just trying to get our attention.  Like when a husband sends flowers to his wife, he longs to show us his love.  We just need to open our eyes.  Today’s sunrise was too spectacular to ignore and my heart overflowed with the way he loves me with complete abandon.  I want to love him back with as much passion as I saw in the glowing sunrise.  Whew…what a God we have!

It has come to my attention that my book link on an earlier blog does not actually take you to my book.  After a number of questions on the issue, I wanted to post the steps to get there for you. 

Go to blurb.com. 
Click on the bookstore tab. 
Enter ‘The Nature of God’ in the search window. 
When the book comes up click on the cover to order. 

Hopefully that will get you there. It is about $45.  I know that is a bit high, but it is considered a coffee table book because of the quality photos.   If you cannot find it let me know and I will try another way.  All the little short cuts I have tried have not worked on this blog site….so I guess everyone will just have to navigate their way to it by following the steps I just listed.  Happy reading!

I do not know if you have seen the movie or not.  It is Jack Nicolson, and Morgan Freeman.  I knew a little about it before we went to see it.  Two older men that had a few months to live go on a trip around the world.  I do not usually like Jack Nicolson…he is a great actor, but his characters are usually arrogant and crude.  I hadn’t planned to see this movie.  But the word at school was that it was a wonderful one…not to miss, so we went.  I have to say it was a heart wrenching, tear jerker for me.  The reason was that their characters had cancer. The shaving of the hair was a bit too familiar.  There was a small of chemo footage that brought back some memories that caused my tears to flow early.  In the movie their reactions to the chemo were worse than mine (brain cancer is much more aggressive treatment than what I had), but the chills and the groaning from bone pain were all too real to me.

 Before you get the idea that it was all about cancer, let me assure you that section was brief.  Just long enough for you to connect with the reality of the disease.  Without giving away the whole movie I will say that they began their journey to live fully.  Priorities were changed as they moved through the list of things they wanted to do before “kicking the bucket.”  It was funny, and somber, and made me think about how grateful I am to have a new perspective on life. 

The people in the theatre were moved as well and you could hear the tears all around.  However, when it was over I noticed that most people just hopped right up and moved on quickly.  I, on the other hand, did not.  I was taken by the closeness of possibility.  I have lived, though on a much smaller scale, what this movie was about.  It was hard to just act like all was well for me when it was over.  Not because of the sadness but because of the grief that other people did not stop to consider the whole point of the movie, which was how are you living your life?  What are your priorities and what is really important?  The movie was a reminder that life is short and that we should stop for a moment and consider that fact.  Overall, I would highly recommend this movie.  It was moving but not so much that it was depressing.  There was a great deal of humor that needs to be seen.  Laughing in the midst of illness and the fact that life should be fun no matter what your circumstances were two of the themes of the movie.  I didn’t really intend to write a movie review but I as read over this that appears to be what I have done…thumbs up…do not miss this one.

What a glorious day.  Do not ever let anyone tell you that teachers don’t enjoy a day off more than the kids.  It was so nice to sleep in and enjoy my kids in the snow.  We had a late breakfast, then headed out to war.  We sledded, kind of, not too much more than slush so it was slow going.  We ambushed one another.  Bill and the older boys took on Peter, Hannah and me.  No one won, but we all got wet and worked up a sweat. 
I needed to be doing research, but couldn’t bring myself to do it.  After all, if I am living life fully that means spending time that God sends with my husband and kids.  It was a family day and with no deadlines or places to be, and it was relaxing.  God knew that I needed this kind of day.  My thesis work is heating up in grad school so I am enjoying every moment to rest and relax and even procrastinate. 
I always love the quiet mornings of a white blanket over everything, so crisp and clean.  The dirt and mud are hidden by the pure white covering.  It reminds me of Gods grace and how it completely covers… no, removes the dirt and junk.  The hymns talk of being washed whiter than snow and on mornings like this I think I can gain a deeper understanding of what that really is like.  Then suddenly there are voices and giggles and laughter, without a care in the world except creating the perfect snowball.  Running, sliding, and throwing are the order of the day.  All regular activities are suspended, and fun is wrapped in cold white snowballs.  Another glimpse into our lives with God.  We should take a lesson from snow days.  Playing and enjoying Gods grace.  Rolling in it.  Sharing it with each other and frolicking as children in the snow.

This weekend had been a long one.  We took a trip to Charlotte, only this time we left early on Friday to stop by Furman on the way.  We are beginning the school search for Aaron.  Having Hannah and Aaron leave in two years time is like a one two punch.  Where Hannah has known for a long time where she wanted to go, Aaron has no clue.  And he is the analytical one so he will need a great deal of data before he is willing to decide.  We have already started looking.  He really liked Furman and is not willing to cross it off his list just yet.  After Furman we took a trip to UNC Charlotte, and it is already off the list.  He did not like the feel of the big campus.  We met up with Hannah and William when we visited some friends for dinner as a nice end to a long day.  Saturday we went to our doctors office and sat for most of the day.  Then we waited in a pharmacy line forever!!  Bill was driving Hannah’s car on the way home when it had a flat tire. Since I was a few minutes ahead of him he called to tell me but didn’t feel he needed me to come back.  He quickly got the tire changed and let me know he was on the road again.  Just as I was crossing into SC he called again to say that the spare had gone flat!  I had to turn around and go back almost to Charlotte to pick them up.  We had to find a place to get a tire (Thank God for Walmart) and someone to fix it.  By the time all of that was done it was dinner time and all the resturants in the town we were in had lines out the doors.  We were tired, grummy and hungry…I refused more fast food.  So we finally found a Golden Corral and ate dinner.  Much more chipper we drove home arriving around 12:30 am.  As I said it was a long weekend.  It was helpful in the college search however, and in the fact that both Hannah and Aaron got practice at changing a tire :)   Silver lining….

The new year has arrived in all of its glory.  The trees are dancing and singing today and there is a dusting of snow covering the ground.  The winds are bitter but the sun is gloriously shouting for me to take note of the clear blue sky.  It is 2008. With the arrival of the new year comes a time of resolution, usually for me that means a diet among other things.  This year, however, I am not calling it a diet.  I am going to live healthy and if I happen to loose weight so much the better.  Another resolution is to keep writing, as often as possible.  I know that my thesis will require much of my writing to be research…yuck!  But I can see the light at the end of that tunnel coming in May with my graduation. Hopefully my other kinds of writing will not go dormant in the meantime! 

I think that the new year for me is a time to take stock of life.  I try to reconnect with God during the cold winter months.  For me the dormant time of winter is a time to dig deeper in the word, and renew my relationship with him.  I am full of gratitude this year because I am celebrating one year cancer free…today…Jan. 2^nd!  My kids have named this day Mommy’s Alive Day.  And we begin a new tradition of marking this day of victory as a family.  We have done this for years for Bill on Feb. 2^nd to mark his survival of the accident.  I started it when I read in Deut. that God told the children of Israel to make memorials to remind them of God’s deliverance.  The memorials were made of stones and were erected in the desert whenever there was a significant event.  This way when they passed by the markers they could tell their children the story of God’s victory.  I began marking the years after Bill’s accident to remind us that God spared him and healed him because there is a plan for his life.  When our children got old enough they also began to celebrate this day of victory as well.  We usually go out for a family dinner to mark the day.  Now I have my own day and our kids will be reminded at least twice a year that God is powerful and he can deliver his people from disaster.  We will thank him for that today in 2008.  We will pray for a healthy year of transition as Hannah moves out this year and our lives begin yet another season.  We also thank God for all of you and ask him to bless you with a Happy New Year.

Hello everyone…did you think I had fallen off the planet.  I haven’t…I have just been enjoying a busy holiday season.  I have noticed that not as many people are reading my blog over this break so I have slacked off in writing.  It has been nice, but for me, writing it kind of like breathing.  I have to do it.  So while the break has been nice I am now exploding in my head and heart from the lack of expression!  Here is my yearly Christmas reflection.

            Have you ever lost a dear friend or family member, either by the severing of the relationship or by death?  The grief is heavy, the memories strong.  This year Mom and Dad are preparing to sell Cloudwood in Clayton.  For those of you who don’t know, my parents live on some gorgeous mountain property in Rabun County , and they bought it when I was probably 6 or so.  It has been a place of retreat and refuge for all of us for nearly 40 years.  It is a part of us.  Like a friend that you have to say goodbye to, we have all begun our grieving process and it started this Christmas.  We each wrote our favorite memory of the house to share.  Mom and Dad gave gifts with stories attached.  The bird’s nests we had collected over years were distributed, along with pottery, books, and old family heirlooms.  It was a bittersweet day with tears and laughter.  We remembered good times and told stories of the past.  From childhood games of hide and seek to adult walks through the pasture, it was a heartfelt day of emotion as we spent, what could quite possibly be, our last Christmas in Clayton.

            I have often heard that the only thing that remains the same is change.  I think it is true.  Change is part of life no matter how much we might wish otherwise.  Children grow up, loved ones die, children are born…time moves on.  I remember Christmas at my Aunt Polly’s house, then at my grandmothers, then to Clayton.  With each change has come the challenge of creating new traditions while not loosing sight of the old.   We have said goodbye to family members and welcomed new ones.  What has remained constant is the love of family.  William put it well when we were discussing Clayton, “The stuff doesn’t matter if the people aren’t there.  As long as I can see grandma and grandpa it doesn’t matter where we are.”  That is quite insightful for a 14 year old.

            This special place seems to have its own life.  It is like part of the family, and that is what makes it hard.  Leaving Cloudwood behind feels like a death or divorce.  If I look at it practically, it is wood and nails.  That is all…just a beautiful shelter on the top of a mountain.  At the same time it is so much more than that.  So much of my view of life was shaped there, so many memories wrapped up in the wind.  Part of me will always be there, so it is like loosing myself in some ways…an empty spot in my heart.  It’s not like we go there that often, a few times a year, but knowing that there is a place to escape to if life gets overwhelming or I just need a quiet moment, is like an anchor to my soul.  It will be hard to let this place go. Two of my favorite things are there, family and nature.  This place has been one of God’s classrooms in my life.  He has taught me and instructed me about himself, about relationships, about nature and beauty. He has spoken to me through the trees and mountains, the stillness and the storms.  This is the place I first realized that all creation worships him and speaks of his glory.  Learning to reflect on that, and to carry it with me, has been my life lesson from him. 

The grief of loosing this family-building piece of paradise will be real.  We will all miss it and grieve in our own ways.  Hannah had a dream that they decided not to move and we had to give back all of our heirlooms.  I am secretly wishing that somehow it could be turned into a retreat center and we could still reserve it for family events. Peter wants to take up a collection from our friends so we can buy it.  William wants to give it to someone who really needs a home.  We are all trying to hang on when God is requiring us to let go.  It is human nature to hang on when he says, “Let go…I have something else for you now.”  He has blessed us with the ability to remember and to treasure those memories; to share all the good times with future generations.  We can shape the future with our stories of this place and this family.     There will always be a special spot in my heart for this place called Cloudwood, but as William said, it is the love of family and friends that stands the test of time.  The place is secondary.