Nuggets from the Fire

Lately I have been going through a Joyce Myer study at church.  It is based on the scriptures that talk about taking our thoughts captive…really about thinking about what you are thinking about.  Last weeks message was about how we build houses out of thoughts.  For example, we may have an un-forgiveness room where we go to nurse our grudges.  We think about how we have been wronged until we are bitter.  The message is that we build these houses of thoughts, and most of the time we are somewhat unaware of how poisonous this is to our spiritual life.  It is urgent that we begin to think about our thoughts and renew our minds to what the Bible says rather than what we think.  It is a choice, and it is not always easy because we have patterns of thought.  There are a lot of rooms in the houses in our minds.  Redecorating them will take some time, but if you ask God he is faithful to give you new thoughts to replace the toxic ones.  He will bring his word into remembrance, just when you were going down an old road.  A friend will call out of the blue just as you were heading into the self-pity room.  God is so good to put his finger on these hidden places in our hearts.

I was thinking about these rooms when God showed me one that I knew well.  It is the inadequacy/failure room.  I think every woman has one of these rooms.  It is the one in which you think, I am not good enough, pretty enough, skinny enough.  I don’t have a clean enough house, or I am not successful at my job. How about, I am a terrible mother, or I am not a good enough wife.  All of us have heard and had these thoughts; that isn’t really that unusual.  However, what God showed me this week was that in this room, the enemy uses scripture to convince us of these lies. This is not as easy to discern as when you have the thought that someone wronged you and you didn’t deserve it; that is pretty straight forward.  No, these thoughts use the Proverbs 31 woman against you.  You should be able to rise up early, do business, manage your household and have children that love you. You can dye fabric while selling real estate all while baking bread. If you were truly a Godly woman these things would be true of you.  Here is the twisted logic, if you fall short in any area you must not be on track with God.  Ouch.  Then the doubt comes in as to what you are doing wrong.  We add more activities thinking that if we pray more or go to another Bible study something will magically happen and we will suddenly all become like Christian Martha Stewarts.  Well do not fall for it!  It is a lie.  God did not make us all to be just alike.  He gave us each different gifts and it may be that yours is not cleaning house!  Did you hear the collective gasp at such sacrilege?  That was the enemy squirming as the truth comes forth.  You are created by God.  He designed you exactly how he wanted you, with the flaws and talents of a human.  If he wanted us perfect he wouldn’t have given us the choice not to be.  He knows our thoughts and feelings better than we do.  It is amazing when you think about it.  His love for you is deep and it is not dependent on how clean your house is or what your children are doing.  He wants our hearts not our performance.  Yet, we uphold the Proverbs 31 woman as our example of who we are to model ourselves after.  We always have, and probably always will.  However, in my Bible it says we are to model ourselves after Christ, not other women.  He is God’s demonstration of Godly.  Compassionate enough to talk with all kinds of people.  He was not too busy, but knew when to rest in God.  He healed.  He fed. He encouraged the down trodden.  He didn’t have a house to clean.  He was a servant but also a master.  He was balanced in all things.  He slept and wept.  He got angry and he was joyful.  He knew who he was.  He knew why he came and he stuck with it.  He did not condemn himself, even when every one else did.  He freely gave grace.  We just need to freely accept it.    

I am happy to report that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I have been working very hard to finish my thesis for my masters.  It is finished, except for any changes my group has for me to make!!  My powerpoint for my final presentation is 95% finished as well!!  I turn them in this week for comments, make changes…then next week I give my presentation and I will be offically a master teacher!  It has been a long 2 1/2 years!  I love the online format, since I am a writer it is not difficult…just time consuming.  A paper due every Friday for 2 years is alot of writing, plus all the online discussions and reading of text books.  I am so excited to get this load off my back!!!  Hurray!  Just two more weeks.

I am watching God move.  At church today there was a sweet spirit of worship that flowed.  I was ushered into the Holy place through the music today.  What bliss it is! 

I am also fresh from a trip to see colleges with Aaron. And Hannah just returned from a Passion worship conference in Atlanta .  To see my kids seeking God about their own future is humbling.  I am amazed at their thought processes and how they hear God.  I have prayed for years that they would have their own relationship with him.  And that he would lead and guide them to his purpose for their lives. 

Now I am watching them do it.  For some reason I always thought I would be the one to carry them.  I guess it is a mom thing.  But here they are stepping away from my arms and into his.  Sad?  Yes.  Hannah came to my office today with her cap and gown on.  My tears flowed.  We went and bought her prom dress today, a fun mother-daughter shopping afternoon.  I am grabbing the minutes with her as they try to escape.  Exciting?  Yes.  Discussion of possible careers and colleges is like the beginning of a life adventure.  Each step is a hidden piece of the puzzle that is living with purpose and abandon.  Living fully.  It is a great season of their lives and mine to begin to release the chicks from the nest.  A new season, that for me, will be gradual…thank God.  My friends with onlys are wrestling harder than I at this moment.  Yet we all know that God is bigger than our fears and our empty houses.  He is good.  There is a sweetness in these days; a holy happiness in the midst of the grief.  It is an unusual place to be sure; a place that leads us to our knees once again.  We have grown comfortable in our prayers for them since the babies came to us.  We know the feeling of releasing them at the Lords feet to be sure, but now we are releasing them out the door; a whole new sense of trusting God with their very lives.  This new place is one I have not looked forward to, but now is upon me…like it or not.  Gracefully I will embrace the pain of it and allow the Lord to do his work.  Gracefully, I will relinquish them to his care with my prayers and tears.  I will always be their mom and for that I am forever grateful!

God has been speaking in our household lately and to friends as well.  He is saying, “Be true to who you are.”  However, when he says to be true, sometimes it means you have to step out of your comfort zone.  I mean, I like to be comfortable.  No waves, no wrinkles in my life.  Smooth sailing.  It is what I want, yet God does not allow that very often.  Sometimes I feel as if I am in the midst of a choppy sea just trying to keep the boat from capsizing.  If my head is above water I feel I have accomplished something great! 
Yet God says in the midst of the storm, be it cancer or stress, stay true. True to who you are.  True to my plan for your life.  In the honesty of being true, your faith becomes more than words, it becomes reality.  Waiting, resting, standing, stepping out…all are part of the plan.  The trick is knowing when to do which one.  Of course, if we listen to his voice he will tell us.  It is listening amid the voices around you that is difficult.  That is why we have to cultivate our relationship with him; so we will recognize his voice.  We have all heard that a shepherd carries a lamb on his shoulders so it will learn to know his voice.  He has carried me through some rough times, and I know his voice. 
Now my children are learning to listen for him.  They are beginning to know that being true to who you are is actually a way to honor him.  Learning to have confidence in his ability to lead is a lifelong process.  Knowing that he is the one that will do the work is a hard one to remember on a daily basis. 
He is the giver of passion.  He is the giver of vision and inspiration.  Each of us has a different call, yet he made us all.  Stay true, resist the pressure to give up.  Stay true, do not let go.  Stay true…step out….

We celebrated the return of Hannah and Aaron yesterday with fried chicken, mashed potatoes, fried okra, and sweet tea.  You cannot say my kids were not raised in the south!  It has become a tradition…it is the return meal.  Of course I do not fry anything, so we pick it up and bring it home from a place here in town. 
They made it home safely, at 2:30 in the morning.  They slept in because they did not have to present at church until the evening service.  Hannah was kind of sick while she was there so she didn’t have the time she usually does.  She worked, but then towards the end of the week was having stomach pain, kind of a nausea.  Then on the plane on the way home she picked up a cold.  So she mainly wanted to sleep.
Aaron on the other hand, was excited.  While he was there he felt that God called him to ministry…maybe even missions.  He is unclear as to what exactly that means, but he was in bed when he felt God impress upon his heart to look up Isaiah 6.  In that chapter the verse that jumped off the page at him was “Who will I send?”  “Here I am send me.”  He said that as he accepted this that the burden he has been carrying about what to do with his life was lifted.  He still does not know exactly how this will look but he is relieved to have a direction.
They both shared at the evening service and I was very proud of them.  Hannah told how she got to share her testimony at a service and how cool that was.  This year they were building a church in a place that already has a congregation…usually there are a few people but this was already a church.  So when she shared there was a good size audience.  It was BEFORE they built the building.  People came and sat on the foundation for a service.  She said it was neat to see all of those people sitting under the stars.  She also shared how each brick is like a piece of the puzzle, of finding how we all fit together no matter what language we speak or what country we are from.
Aaron of course shared his call, but also how God used the people there because of their fire for him.  There is a different atmosphere there that is completely different than here he said.  When they had their dedication service there was standing room only and people were outside at the windows crowding around to here.  Many on our team had not seen that kind of spiritual hunger before.  It was a great encouragement and also convicted them that we are so complacent here.  They were grateful for what we have in a new way.  Cool!
All in all they had a wonderful trip.  Both feel closer to God and to the team that went.  They have a bigger world view which is always exciting.  Thank you for your prayers!

As I write this two of my children are in the air back to the States.  They left Brazil at 3:00 am and flew for 2 hours to San Paulo then boarded another plane for Miami.  As far as I know they are on schedule and should be home around 12:00 am then onto buses to bring them to the Mountians…  I can’t wait for them to arrive.  I will write more once I talk to them about their trip.

The latest report from Hannah was that everyone has their luggage now but Harriett our music ministers wife.  So that is a relief.  The extra clothes they took to donate never were lost so that is good.  It rained yesterday morning so the work started off slowly, but things cleared up so they still got alot done.  She was excited that at the church service the night before 3 people came to know the Lord.  She was also excited that as part of that service she got to share her testimony.    I haven’t heard today how things are going…that makes me think they are well…she usually calls when something isn’t smooth.  I will update tomorrow if I hear something more.  Keep praying for the Lord to work…