Nuggets from the Fire

What a glorious day. The language of God surrounds me.  The birds have returned from wherever they go in the winter and they are singing to the sun as it rises.  Woodpeckers knock all around and their search for bugs echos through the valley.  In the distance, a rooster crows.  Day is breaking. I am here on my porch hoping the feel of the sun will elevate my mood.  My heart is heavy these days.  I know some of the reasons why, but it seems deeper than day to day life…not depression exactly, more like an impeding event ahead. It is similar to the way I felt before the election, an unidentified, strange feeling of uneasiness.  The birds around me today are oblivious and I will join them soon while working in the yard.  This feeling comes and then passes, it calls me to my knees and then releases me to go about my life.  God is drawing me near and whispering in my ear, “Pride comes before a fall.”  I know what that means…humility or humiliation depending on our response. Personal falls over many years have taught me that truth.  I choose humility.  So now…I wait, I watch, I pray, I listen to the language of God and in the distance, a rooster crows.

The biopsies results are in on Peter’s endoscopy, and we finally have a diagnosis.  Eosinophilic esophagitis. I know…I thought the same thing…what in the world is that? It is the inflammation of the esophagus, due to allergies.  I am including some info I got off the internet for those people who want more details.  I cannot even pronounce this so I am not of much help for the medically curious among you.  At this point, we will add a medicine for about a month to see if that can reduce the inflammation.  Then we have a follow up visit with the doctor.  It is a relief to finally know the cause of the pain…and that it is treatable.  Thank you for all of your prayers.  Continue to pray that this treatment will do the trick, because it gets more complicated if this type medicine doesn’t work.  Poor Peter, he always has the difficult allergic things to deal with, sinus, throat, and now this.  However, we are blessed that God provided a “smart guesser” and many faithful praying friends.  Thank you all.

 Internet Info on Eosinophilic Esophagitis (or the much easier EE for short.)

Doctors believe that eosinophilic esophagitis is a type of esophagitis that is caused by allergy just like asthma, hay fever, allergic rhinitis, and atopic dermatitis even though the exact substance that is causing the allergy is not known. The hallmark of eosinophilic esophagitis is the presence of large numbers of eosinophils in the tissue just beneath the inner lining of the esophagus.

Eosinophils are white blood cells (leukocytes) manufactured in the bone marrow and are one of many types of cells that actively promote inflammation. They are particularly active in the type of inflammation caused by allergic reactions. Thus, large number of eosinophils can accumulate in tissues such as the esophagus, the stomach, the small intestine, and sometimes in the blood when individuals are exposed to an allergen. The allergen(s) that causes eosinophilic esophagitis is not known. It is not even known whether the allergen is inhaled or ingested. Eosinophilic esophagitis is more common among individuals with other allergic conditions such as asthma, hay fever, allergic rhinitis, and atopic dermatitis.

Eosinophilic esophagitis affects both children and adults. For unknown reasons, men are more commonly affected than women, and it is most commonly found among young boys and men.

Until a few years ago, I didn’t know that much about cancer.  Cancerland was a place that old people went for excruciating treatments before they died.  Of course, I had heard a few terms, such as tumors, radiation, and chemo, but I had no idea what they meant.  I didn’t even know that chemo is short for chemicals.  Let’s just say I was ignorant of the complexities of the disease. 

Then came my diagnosis…first endometrial, then uterine, then ovarian.   Talk about a learning curve.  I have compared it to being thrown into a boxing ring with the heavyweight champ…only without any training or preparation.  The words “you have cancer” are the first devastating blow in a ruthless fight.  While you are reeling from the first hit, dazed and in shock, you realize cancer isn’t just for old people anymore.  Your medical team swarms around you talking in a foreign tongue that is difficult to understand, while you wonder how to prepare your children to live without you.  Devastating does not begin to cover the impact of this whirlwind.  It is a scary, lonely place, because you are in the ring by yourself.

When you look around to get your bearings, you see people in your corner.  They are cheering for you, and even though you can see the fear in their faces; they offer kind words and encouragement.  They bring you food and offer to take drive your kids. They come pray over you when you are afraid. Cards flood your mailbox, and you realize that your life is intertwined with many amazing people.  You think “It is sad that it took cancer for me to realize how truly blessed I am.”  

Your caregivers, the ones that stand to loose the most if you throw in the towel, stand firm.  They endure ER visits, side effects of medications, grumpiness, and overall chaos.  This battle could not be fought without them; they are the rocks in a sea of panic. Does that mean they are not afraid?  By no means…they are terrified, but they know the battle does not wait until we are ready, so they plough through one step after another.  Day after day, bad report after bad report their lives hang in the balance along with yours.  Hoping for good news becomes a daily prayer, while the world goes on around them.  It is surreal. 

Our school family has been hit hard this year and cancer seems to be behind every bush.  It is stealing from us, and that is difficult to take.  Our hearts are broken for wives and children who have watched their loved ones slip away.  We have a ringside seat so we can see up close the toll the battle is having.  The helpless feeling of being an observer is hard to stomach.  We are a group of doers and it seems there is very little to do. 

I have an idea.  It is a small thing, but it could make a difference.  Relay for Life sells luminaries to raise money for cancer research.  Some of that research is what saved my life by developing the chemicals that treated my cancer.  I am one of the fortunate ones.  To continue to find treatment options is critical to the battle for the cure.  Relay is one small way to support those in our school family.  I plan to purchase luminaries in memory of Dennis Carpenter and in honor of Monty Pert.  It would be moving to see hundreds of luminaries with Dennis and Monty’s names on them.  Somehow, it acknowledges the pain of the battle, and makes a statement that the fight will not end now.  Though the champ appears to be winning at times, we will not give up.  The friends and family members will not forget, nor will we quit.  I plan to make an exclamation of that fact by purchasing luminaries. Will you join me?

For all that are concerned with Peter’s health, here is the latest…

We went to Scottish Rite for the Endoscopy this morning.  It went well and we have some great pictures of his perfectly healthy insides.  So we ruled out ulcers, polyps, tumors and anything else you could see with your eyes…that’s good news.  He also took some small samples from the esophagus, stomach, and intestine.  Those are sent off for biopsies that will be returned sometime next week.  He says they will show if there is anything on a microscopic level that we cannot see. 

Beyond that, he is starting to think that stress related issues would be next to consider.  He asked if we have had any stressors in our lives lately….ha!  Little did he know what can of worms he was getting into.  For kids that do not express their emotions outwardly, they internalize and that can cause physical symptoms like stomach pain.  This of course is much harder to diagnose and/or treat. 

However, I still feel there is some kind of physical cause that we just have not gotten to yet.  It seems too constant to be stress related to me.  I asked today if it could be lungs or some other system besides digestive.  He felt that if that were the case some of the blood work done at the ER would have shown it…but he also didn’t quite rule it out either.  For now, we are waiting on biopsies to come back and then looking toward stress related issues after that.  If we have another ER visit he said to tell them to do another CT scan WITH contrast…since last time they didn’t use contrast.  He said that would show inflammation anywhere and may give us a clearer picture of the source.  So your continued prayers are much appreciated.

So, I am watching it snow and thinking how winter and spring are having this battle. It occurs to me that this is the week of the Resurrection.  Once again, God shows us a natural picture of the spiritual world. Last Sunday was the perfect weather for a triumphal entry wasn’t it?  It could not have better…beautiful sun; the temperature was warm but not too warm.  On a day like that, it is easy to believe that anything is possible.  We could take over the world, couldn’t we?  Problems are distant, the birds are singing and all is well.  I don’t know what the weather was like 2,000 years ago, but I bet the disciples had the feeling that they had arrived, as palm branches were thrown at the feet of Jesus. Their spirits lifted by the enthusiastic reception of the Messiah, they rejoiced that their difficult journey was at an end.  Little did they know that winter had one last storm to throw their way.  They did not perceive the change in seasons could happen so suddenly.

The events went terribly wrong then. It was a trap…or it appears so.  How in the world could those same cheering people become the jeering mob in a matter of days? Winter returned and the snow fell, spiritually speaking. The harsh cold returned and within a few short hours had blanketed all of Jerusalem with a coat of bitterness.  It was a battle in full swing.  If we could have seen the heavenly war being waged it would have been something to behold.  The battle to end all battles, literally.  When Jesus breathed his last breath, I think God cried.  There was darkness over the land like a permanent winter.  For three days, it seemed that winter had won, and spring would never again bud into full blossom. 

But God, ( I love those two little words) was not finished yet. Spring returned in all its glory…in a garden of all places.  God was mistaken for a gardener, but I ask you, was that really a mistake?  Didn’t this whole creation begin in a garden?  I think it was appropriate that the women mistook him for a gardener, in fact, I think in that moment they saw a great deal about his character.  He is someone that creates beauty; who nurtures those in his care.  A God that plants, feeds, and waters his own design in order to bring it to its fullness. A patient God who is not in a hurry because he knows the end result will be a masterpiece that is worth the wait…and the sacrifice of his son. All of this we see in a short moment of mistaken identity. Or was it?  Maybe instead, it was a moment of clarity, one of true identity. 

Suddenly, spring breaks forth and eyes open to perceive the nourishment for God’s garden…the risen Messiah.  He stands among us even now. Can you see him?  Spring has won the battle, and despite what winter wants you to believe, the battle is over.  The snow falling on my deck right now is a temporary blip on the screen. The sun (son) will break through and the earth will awake…it is done. I thank God for his pictures that demonstrate his truth.  It is finished.   

Peter is feeling some better, still hurting but not as severely.  His x-ray results came back today and there is not a blockage…good news, except that would have been the easiest to fix.  Next Wed. April 15 he will be having an endoscopy.  That should tell us more than we know right now.  Continue your prayers and thanks for holding us up. 

Okay, here is the latest with Peter.  We went to a specialist today.  The doctor looked at all of our paperwork from all of our previous visits to ER’s and doctors offices.  He did an exam.  He determined the pain was coming from the colon…he thinks.  There is some kind of issue that he wants to check for by doing a scope in two weeks.  Kids with allergies and asthma tend to be at a higher risk for this particular condition.  I would tell you what it is but I could not pronounce it if I had to.  Whatever it is, it is treatable. 

In the meantime, he sent us to get an x-ray to make sure there was no blockage in the colon. Those results will not be back until Monday.  Peter is relieved and so am I that someone finally seems to have a plan.  He is still guessing but is a “smarter guesser” according Peter.  He added a different medicine that should give some relief in the meantime.  We are headed in the right direction I believe, finally.  Thanks for all of your prayers, please continue.  I will update you when I know more.

In the inky blackness, looms a giant checkerboard of lights.  It towers above the ants below as a monument to men who wish to scrape the sky.  Lesser buildings surround it, their lights reflecting off the window glass in a kaleidoscope of shiny splendor.  The uneven heights reach to the heavens, silhouetted by the lights from street lamps below.   The roof of each building has its own landscape.  Some are grand and highlighted with spotlights as if to say look at my elegance.  Others are simple with flashing red beacons to ward off winged aircraft in the night.

            In the distance, twinkling lights all shades of white sparkle like diamonds set against black velvet.  Cars winding along highways move quickly at first then slow to a molasses pace as the day begins.  The horizontal snake draws the eye among the vertical jungle of buildings. As far as the eye can see, all the way to the horizon, there are lights. The black sky is clear; there are no stars that I can see.  The building beacons are the manmade stars that hide the real ones from view.  Life is like that for us.  Humans with places to go and be, we run and rush, in and out of each day.  The natural stars are hidden, yet there is beauty in the glimmering, shimmering lights of the city. 

I wonder what all those people are doing.  There is great perspective from up here among the clouds.  Each of our small problems seems so big when we do not rise above them.  They take up our entire field of vision, not allowing us to see beyond them to the bigger picture.  Looming 53 stories in the air, I think about how each tiny window contains a person just like me, people that have families, friends, and co-workers. There may be others visiting city for workshops or meetings as I am, sitting in hotel rooms next to mine.  Others probably live here.  Each tiny car has an individual in it with a story.  Some are having a good day; others ride along with the weight of the world on their shoulders.  From this viewpoint, it is impossible to tell one from another with the blur of the lights. 

It is enough to make me wonder in awe at how God does it.  How does he know each name, each hair on our heads?   I do not know about you, but I am glad he is big enough to breathe the stars into existence and to care about my individual needs at the same time. He knows the story of every person in every window.  His capacity for love is so deep that he cares intimately for each individual.  He is not silenced by the man made glitter that tries to hide him, in fact he can easily top it.  I see the heavens now, turning deep red in the distance.  The black of night is fading into gray, then pale blue.  Flamingo pink sky hovers over the bump on the horizon that I know to be the mountain of stone.  Purple blended with the pink creates a blend of color that glows as the sun rises above the horizon.  It is a spectacular dawning of a new day…and a new perspective.